March 27, 2021 4:54 pmPublished by John Montesi
I want my joys to be total, my thirsts quenchable, my fears primal. Compounding interest and the calculated torments of the internet make a hungry wolf sound downright friendly.
January 6, 2020 9:05 pmPublished by John Montesi
Somewhere between January and December, between sunrise and sunset, life turns into a series of processes that can rob the days of their original potential. From the alarm clock to clocking in, the hours tick away marked by a ceaseless process that forces us into line.
September 9, 2019 5:40 pmPublished by John Montesi
Without profound solitude, everything else feels frivolous at best. After a while, no distraction is as satisfying as not being distracted.
October 24, 2018 7:32 pmPublished by John Montesi
My mind flashes back to that ride in the Ozarks, when fast-driving cars plowed through fluttering butterflies, when I stopped... View Article
July 16, 2018 6:39 pmPublished by admin
Existing is a fickle thing, some combination of biological bare-minimums and feeling profoundly satisfied which ultimately makes us who we... View Article
February 27, 2018 12:17 pmPublished by admin
In a way, it is a refreshing feeling to be constantly aware of your surroundings, to know what it is you are most afraid of. To have a common fear with all fellow men, to have a lingua franca that everyone speaks about dangers and preparations and the haughty laughs we must have if we are to survive it at all. In the Yukon, everyone has a bear story or ten. In Alaska, people speak more in “how bad” bears are than whether there are bears at all.
February 11, 2018 12:34 pmPublished by John Montesi
As time passes, I am stricken by many things: the urgency a brush with death places upon us. Our ability to normalize and gloss over such a traumatic experience in order to ‘move on.’ The way survival is so fickle and random that it can all feel very pointless or extraordinarily meaningful. The difference a day makes.
January 15, 2018 1:54 pmPublished by admin
We gradually fade from sharp-toothed puppy to hyperactive youngin’ to sleeping eighteen hours a day, and as is the nature of existing, we only really notice our most current state of being. A senior dog fades into the background and then occasionally surprises us with a half snarl or a flash of the spunk that used to wear us down through sheer quantity of energy. An old friend falls through the cracks as we see enough glimpses of them looking happy on the internet that we forget to check in and actually talk. The best moments of our life slowly fade into the shadows until we neither remember nor forget them; they are simply there until a tragedy brings them into high relief and we remember them wistfully.
November 1, 2017 1:56 pmPublished by John Montesi
in this moment, I stood still and shivering and let reality wash over me and blow into my core. It is hysterical how little marketing influences you or how much some other human’s selfish decisions can affect your faith or resolve when you are standing with your toes in the Arctic Ocean.
October 11, 2017 2:58 pmPublished by John Montesi
I stood there in a long sleeve T-shirt and blue jeans, exposed in all the most vulnerable ways to the elements, and felt a certain type of ridiculous freedom that men often chase their entire lives. One would never explicitly state that they aspire to something as trite as peeing atop Atiguin Pass, but that may be part of the problem.
August 26, 2017 4:33 pmPublished by John Montesi
We pulled into the shallows, and the dizzying pace of the water just beyond the barrier island gave me something to focus on.
“I think that big eclipse is starting right around now,” I offered.
“What eclipse?” he asked me.
July 29, 2017 3:43 pmPublished by John Montesi
This was a literal crossroads that felt aggressively metaphorical. I wanted to curse the very road junction itself for pointing in all directions and inviting us to follow them wherever they may lead...
July 22, 2017 2:03 pmPublished by John Montesi
The next morning the sun shone brightly through the cabin windows before my alarm clock rang. Sunshine in the mountains... View Article
April 13, 2017 4:48 pmPublished by John Montesi
Sometimes you see something furry and want to touch it, whether it’s a puppy or someone’s velvet jacket. Sometimes you let a bartender plan the majority of your day with no idea of what you’re agreeing to.
April 4, 2017 12:19 pmPublished by John Montesi
This moment turned out to be a subtle turning point in the narrative. Since picking up the Land Cruiser and having a hilarious Saint Paddy’s Day that was blessedly free of self-awareness sabotaging my enjoyment, I now presented the trip as not just a salve for the pained brain clanging around in my head but also as a concerted effort to rediscover the simple joys that make me who I am and thusly make me worth spending any time around.
March 6, 2017 5:52 pmPublished by John Montesi
Nothing will snap me out of my hypnogogic trance faster than someone telling me that I have more interests or dreams than they do. I will fiercely accost a perfect stranger because I believe so firmly in the human imagination and the childlike whimsy that resides somewhere inside every one of us.
February 20, 2017 5:08 pmPublished by John Montesi
I pulled up to one of the only sections of river that wasn’t imminently raging from the evening’s water release... View Article
February 16, 2017 5:01 pmPublished by John Montesi
Some days my brain echoes with static and feels so stuffed with cotton balls that my favorite places feel grating... View Article
February 9, 2017 10:06 amPublished by John Montesi
I don’t want to tell myself a story about the woods while sitting under fluorescent lights in a cubicle somewhere far away from them. We needn’t delude ourselves that our masterpieces are just a few months away, if only we keep biding time.
February 6, 2017 1:25 pmPublished by John Montesi
I’ve got a long list of regrets and a longer list of plans, and neither of those lists will get any shorter until I start acting the same way I daydream when I’m having a good day.
October 4, 2016 10:27 amPublished by John Montesi
Many of us remember being told as children to never trust strangers, or at least to never accept candy from them or get into their cars. I’ve long since broken all of those rules.
May 1, 2015 11:35 amPublished by John Montesi
It is only fitting that I return to Los Angeles hastily and under grey and cloudy skies. I have lost... View Article