July 24, 2021 1:32 amPublished by John MontesiLeave your thoughts
It is strangely soothing to feel the adrenaline surging towards the wound and to see the inner workings bubbling up to the surface.
Perhaps this is the epitome of the conscious living experience, to have a few fleeting moments of heightened awareness where what’s before us is razor-sharp and what’s behind us is gone.
April 4, 2021 10:09 pmPublished by John MontesiLeave your thoughts
We need physicality, need to feel some presence and ownership in the bodies we inhabit. Without it, the mind will run rampant, will run away with itself and constantly try to leave the flesh behind.
March 27, 2021 4:54 pmPublished by John MontesiLeave your thoughts
I want my joys to be total, my thirsts quenchable, my fears primal. Compounding interest and the calculated torments of the internet make a hungry wolf sound downright friendly.
February 20, 2021 7:15 pmPublished by John MontesiLeave your thoughts
The most unnatural thing we can do is ignore the calling to draw near and reflect, to suppress the urge to go out and seek, to demand a sameness from our souls that robs them of the very quality which makes them soulful.
February 17, 2021 11:19 pmPublished by John Montesi1 Comment
These times, the only place you have to go is within. The only people you can eavesdrop live within your own mind, and people will tell you that hearing voices makes you crazy.
February 2, 2021 9:50 pmPublished by John MontesiLeave your thoughts
I can see it all so clearly, it torments me in my sleeping dreams. Slips away when I awake. It is no closer or farther, but duties and doubts don’t have much power in the REM world.
December 16, 2020 6:58 pmPublished by John Montesi1 Comment
Where I stand, the world is quiet. Wind whispers through the ocotillos and the mesquite trees, its song through the thorns cooing the memories of love that hurts to remember and hurts to forget. There’s a ghost beside me, the absence of a soul to share these sights with.
October 23, 2020 9:02 pmPublished by John Montesi1 Comment
We yearn to show our true colors, to display our brightest greens and most vivid yellows, to gracefully grow through the seasons of life for the audience we treasure. Perhaps even to see ourselves become what we are destined to be, to feel pride at who we are.
September 18, 2020 9:24 pmPublished by John MontesiLeave your thoughts
And indeed, my flesh is increasingly made of the smoke that our society has created. It is not just routine incense of aspen and pine. It is acrid smoke, spreading across an entire continent, filled with bits of electrical wiring and industrial paint, finer and lighter than ever because the vegetation is so dry.
August 31, 2020 4:18 amPublished by John Montesi1 Comment
When I talk to friends, it is via a telephone screen, which physiologically contributes to headaches and psychologically contributes to isolation.
July 23, 2020 11:15 pmPublished by John MontesiLeave your thoughts
Being an expert in solitude has its costs. You play the long game, accustomed to the sense that there is nothing rushing you to act. And then a forceful suitor swoops in, a lease runs out, bills come up due. Day turns to night, and so it does until another year has passed. The world waits for no one.
April 22, 2020 5:35 pmPublished by John MontesiLeave your thoughts
Nostalgia is the truest form of grief. It washes over us with deceptive warm waves of comfort and familiarity, reaching out with open arms to welcome us to the throes of something that never was.
March 9, 2020 6:15 pmPublished by John MontesiLeave your thoughts
The near death experience may be the moment before the fall is halted by the ground, it may be the first tumble when everything is pain and ringing noises and a flash of white light. Or it may be what happens months, or even years, later. It has nothing to do with injuries or lightning strikes or natural gas leaks. The more comfortable we get and the further from our dreams we stray, the nearer to death we truly become.
February 24, 2020 7:06 pmPublished by John Montesi3 Comments
Oftentimes, the reality of life is difficult to believe. Not only is truth stranger than fiction, but there is a noteworthy disconnect between our expectations, our perceptions, and the unflinching march of time.
February 4, 2020 6:12 pmPublished by John Montesi2 Comments
The word ‘depressed’ is ridiculously complicated. Not that any word in any language means just one thing, but few words mean more things than depression. Everything from measurable chemical imbalances to tropical storm systems to underperforming stock markets can lead to depression.
January 31, 2020 8:29 pmPublished by John MontesiLeave your thoughts
For all the advancements our society has made, the world still rewards those who can separate their conscience from their actions. Close the deal, shoot the wounded, put profit before people. There is not a visible cosmic arbiter of justice and this means only that one’s ingrained sense of right and wrong is a hindrance in the earthly realm.
January 27, 2020 7:39 pmPublished by John MontesiLeave your thoughts
Ultimately, we are confined to the languages we share with others. The spoken and written languages of the world. The things we trade in. The artistic media that leave everything open to interpretation yet create fleeting bits of solace and solidarity.
January 6, 2020 9:05 pmPublished by John Montesi3 Comments
Somewhere between January and December, between sunrise and sunset, life turns into a series of processes that can rob the days of their original potential. From the alarm clock to clocking in, the hours tick away marked by a ceaseless process that forces us into line.
April 29, 2019 2:00 amPublished by John MontesiLeave your thoughts
I often notice myself feeling leery of promise because it contains a tremendous amount of kinetic energy. It is why I like to be like a rolling stone, neither gathering moss nor bothered much by the rough and tumble of rolling downhill.
March 10, 2019 8:39 pmPublished by John Montesi1 Comment
Through the eroding power of time and numbing experiences, these days the inputs have to be somewhat stronger to come through. Connections corrode with time and rust is simply a protective shell for the fresh parts beneath it.
February 1, 2019 8:52 pmPublished by John Montesi2 Comments
Everyone is so afraid of sharing a spork and sleeping on the ground that they forget to be afraid of what happens when they think themselves above such things.
December 14, 2018 8:46 pmPublished by John MontesiLeave your thoughts
Spending money you don’t really have on other people feels like a desperate post-capitalistic mating ritual. Spending money you don’t really have on yourself is a perfect reminder of the relative value of currency.
November 2, 2018 5:34 pmPublished by John Montesi2 Comments
Emptiness has a nearly universal negative connotation. It is forced to duke it out with its syntactical opposition ‘half full,’... View Article
August 7, 2018 2:20 pmPublished by admin5 Comments
Life does not ask if you want to see a dead body dredged from a river on your bike ride or if you want to wake up one day and realize that most everyone you thought you might marry someday is now engaged to someone else or if you were ready for another year to be two-thirds over, for everyone you love to be two-thirds a year older, for your checking account to be two-thirds a year emptier. The disappearing act forces you to put your thoughts in a centrifuge in a noise-cancelling vacuum and distill them and listen to them until you are aware just what they are.
August 2, 2018 4:09 pmPublished by admin6 Comments
I do not need distractions or white picket fences. I need to write. I need to push myself to the limits so I have something to say. And I need to read what others have said, that I may remember the vague, gnawing feelings I have all day have names.
July 16, 2018 6:39 pmPublished by admin4 Comments
Existing is a fickle thing, some combination of biological bare-minimums and feeling profoundly satisfied which ultimately makes us who we... View Article