October 31, 2023 6:48 pmPublished by John Montesi
The world we inhabit is quite good at sustaining life but not altogether good at encouraging aliveness.
October 2, 2023 10:06 pmPublished by John Montesi
It is so hard to set oneself free from the comforts and fears we know. Maybe it is only when the body reaches terminal velocity that we realize a new haircut or a whole new life would’ve been a lot less scary than the elaborate confines of the mind.
September 24, 2022 5:57 pmPublished by John Montesi
That is the ultimate appeal of clickbait headlines about hookers and blow, of Alexander Supertramp lighting his substantial inherited wealth on fire somewhere in the desert. We fantasize about being rockstars, firefighters, farmers, poets. We want to be who we were, before it all changed.
September 15, 2022 7:23 pmPublished by John Montesi
Is the duty of the living to honor the dead, or is it our fate to build new life off the backs of the anonymous billions who have gone before us?
February 5, 2022 7:21 pmPublished by John Montesi
Not only are dogs more honest, in time they will tell us everything we need to know about the people they are associated with. Dogs always have a lot to teach us about ourselves.
March 27, 2021 4:54 pmPublished by John Montesi
I want my joys to be total, my thirsts quenchable, my fears primal. Compounding interest and the calculated torments of the internet make a hungry wolf sound downright friendly.
February 20, 2021 7:15 pmPublished by John Montesi
The most unnatural thing we can do is ignore the calling to draw near and reflect, to suppress the urge to go out and seek, to demand a sameness from our souls that robs them of the very quality which makes them soulful.
February 17, 2021 11:19 pmPublished by John Montesi
These times, the only place you have to go is within. The only people you can eavesdrop live within your own mind, and people will tell you that hearing voices makes you crazy.
February 2, 2021 9:50 pmPublished by John Montesi
I can see it all so clearly, it torments me in my sleeping dreams. Slips away when I awake. It is no closer or farther, but duties and doubts don’t have much power in the REM world.
October 23, 2020 9:02 pmPublished by John Montesi
We yearn to show our true colors, to display our brightest greens and most vivid yellows, to gracefully grow through the seasons of life for the audience we treasure. Perhaps even to see ourselves become what we are destined to be, to feel pride at who we are.
September 18, 2020 9:24 pmPublished by John Montesi
And indeed, my flesh is increasingly made of the smoke that our society has created. It is not just routine incense of aspen and pine. It is acrid smoke, spreading across an entire continent, filled with bits of electrical wiring and industrial paint, finer and lighter than ever because the vegetation is so dry.
August 12, 2020 11:17 pmPublished by John Montesi
The progress addict is leery of contentment, for it threatens the need to constantly be falling forwards.
July 23, 2020 11:15 pmPublished by John Montesi
Being an expert in solitude has its costs. You play the long game, accustomed to the sense that there is nothing rushing you to act. And then a forceful suitor swoops in, a lease runs out, bills come up due. Day turns to night, and so it does until another year has passed. The world waits for no one.
May 12, 2020 5:22 pmPublished by John Montesi
Like the rootbound plant which withers when set free, we adapt to the particular habitat that sustains us.
March 9, 2020 6:15 pmPublished by John Montesi
The near death experience may be the moment before the fall is halted by the ground, it may be the first tumble when everything is pain and ringing noises and a flash of white light. Or it may be what happens months, or even years, later. It has nothing to do with injuries or lightning strikes or natural gas leaks. The more comfortable we get and the further from our dreams we stray, the nearer to death we truly become.
February 24, 2020 7:06 pmPublished by John Montesi
Oftentimes, the reality of life is difficult to believe. Not only is truth stranger than fiction, but there is a noteworthy disconnect between our expectations, our perceptions, and the unflinching march of time.
February 7, 2020 6:43 pmPublished by John Montesi
There is a pervasive myth in humanity that the best way to get through life is with hope of a better tomorrow.
February 4, 2020 6:12 pmPublished by John Montesi
The word ‘depressed’ is ridiculously complicated. Not that any word in any language means just one thing, but few words mean more things than depression. Everything from measurable chemical imbalances to tropical storm systems to underperforming stock markets can lead to depression.
January 27, 2020 7:39 pmPublished by John Montesi
Ultimately, we are confined to the languages we share with others. The spoken and written languages of the world. The things we trade in. The artistic media that leave everything open to interpretation yet create fleeting bits of solace and solidarity.
January 6, 2020 9:05 pmPublished by John Montesi
Somewhere between January and December, between sunrise and sunset, life turns into a series of processes that can rob the days of their original potential. From the alarm clock to clocking in, the hours tick away marked by a ceaseless process that forces us into line.
September 9, 2019 5:40 pmPublished by John Montesi
Without profound solitude, everything else feels frivolous at best. After a while, no distraction is as satisfying as not being distracted.
December 14, 2018 8:46 pmPublished by John Montesi
Spending money you don’t really have on other people feels like a desperate post-capitalistic mating ritual. Spending money you don’t really have on yourself is a perfect reminder of the relative value of currency.
November 26, 2018 8:25 pmPublished by John Montesi
You should never admit these things, especially not in writing, because it is a weakness, a liability, a pox on... View Article
November 15, 2018 6:41 pmPublished by John Montesi
Feeling the seasons change is surreal, because it always brings with it a rushing nostalgia and a helpless terror. The... View Article
October 24, 2018 7:32 pmPublished by John Montesi
My mind flashes back to that ride in the Ozarks, when fast-driving cars plowed through fluttering butterflies, when I stopped... View Article
August 7, 2018 2:20 pmPublished by admin
Life does not ask if you want to see a dead body dredged from a river on your bike ride or if you want to wake up one day and realize that most everyone you thought you might marry someday is now engaged to someone else or if you were ready for another year to be two-thirds over, for everyone you love to be two-thirds a year older, for your checking account to be two-thirds a year emptier. The disappearing act forces you to put your thoughts in a centrifuge in a noise-cancelling vacuum and distill them and listen to them until you are aware just what they are.
July 16, 2018 6:39 pmPublished by admin
Existing is a fickle thing, some combination of biological bare-minimums and feeling profoundly satisfied which ultimately makes us who we... View Article
April 2, 2018 1:45 pmPublished by admin
The most violent loneliness is preferable to the most numb and superficial sense of inclusion; like a blizzard in Indianapolis, that feeling is real and palpable and will yield to something different, if only you keep driving.
February 20, 2018 12:59 pmPublished by admin
I am fascinated by our variable tolerances; when it comes to solitude, silence, loneliness, or discomfort, we react violently and... View Article
November 1, 2017 1:56 pmPublished by John Montesi
in this moment, I stood still and shivering and let reality wash over me and blow into my core. It is hysterical how little marketing influences you or how much some other human’s selfish decisions can affect your faith or resolve when you are standing with your toes in the Arctic Ocean.
August 31, 2017 7:11 pmPublished by John Montesi
I stood and let conditioned fear course through my veins and simply observed it from a few feet above my body. For all of these misguided warnings, there I was, completely, utterly alone and more alive than ever. Not even the smallest bone in my body felt lonely in that moment.
August 11, 2017 6:08 pmPublished by John Montesi
It is healthy to have our schema shattered repeatedly. It creates a certain open-mindedness and healthy humility. It separates us from the crippling weight of individual situations and frees us from the sense that basic outcomes may dictate our entire lives in a hubristically finite set of options. Every mile covered by the Land Cruiser is earned in a way that would seem blessedly easy to Lewis or Clark or Muir, no matter how brutish they may feel at the time. Every time I believe myself close to an understanding or even a point on a map, I secretly relish being crushed or at least corrected.