Tag Archive: outdoors
Seven Years of Hank
January 3, 2024 7:44 pm This week marks seven years of Hank. Highs and lows and tons of in-betweens. He’s been there with me when it felt like it was all over, and when I wished it could last forever.
Maybe We Deserve Dogs
November 28, 2023 6:01 am I think about the common human refrain, we don’t deserve dogs. And I largely agree. But then I remember that it doesn’t have to be this way.
Time Saved
October 26, 2023 8:39 pm
Game of Fetch
October 2, 2023 10:06 pm It is so hard to set oneself free from the comforts and fears we know. Maybe it is only when the body reaches terminal velocity that we realize a new haircut or a whole new life would’ve been a lot less scary than the elaborate confines of the mind.
Sowing Seeds
May 5, 2023 12:24 am Perhaps what I struggle with the most is finding that freedom. Freedom to be proud of what I’m building, freedom to build what I want to.
Deprogramming
September 24, 2022 5:57 pm That is the ultimate appeal of clickbait headlines about hookers and blow, of Alexander Supertramp lighting his substantial inherited wealth on fire somewhere in the desert. We fantasize about being rockstars, firefighters, farmers, poets. We want to be who we were, before it all changed.
Keeping Vigil
September 15, 2022 7:23 pm Is the duty of the living to honor the dead, or is it our fate to build new life off the backs of the anonymous billions who have gone before us?
Filtered Through the Finite
June 14, 2022 7:50 pm There is something about life that feels more beautiful when it is strained through the filter of the finite. Some part of our beings is best at appreciating the good when we know it is running out.
Picture Perfect
February 3, 2022 9:11 pm How many layers of a “picture perfect life” are our true selves buried beneath? Perhaps the most pervasive question in my confusing life is which version of myself is the realest and where the edge between righteous discontent and selfish ingratitude really is.
Different Stillness
January 4, 2022 4:51 am It costs us nothing to dream, it costs us everything to learn that we were dreaming the wrong thing.
Spilling Blood
July 24, 2021 1:32 am It is strangely soothing to feel the adrenaline surging towards the wound and to see the inner workings bubbling up to the surface. Perhaps this is the epitome of the conscious living experience, to have a few fleeting moments of heightened awareness where what’s before us is razor-sharp and what’s behind us is gone.
Just Say It
March 30, 2021 4:37 pm There is no moral high ground, just the ugly work of growing, healing, becoming.
Spring Again
March 27, 2021 4:54 pm I want my joys to be total, my thirsts quenchable, my fears primal. Compounding interest and the calculated torments of the internet make a hungry wolf sound downright friendly.
Moving and Staying Still
February 20, 2021 7:15 pm The most unnatural thing we can do is ignore the calling to draw near and reflect, to suppress the urge to go out and seek, to demand a sameness from our souls that robs them of the very quality which makes them soulful.
Going Nowhere
February 17, 2021 11:19 pm These times, the only place you have to go is within. The only people you can eavesdrop live within your own mind, and people will tell you that hearing voices makes you crazy.
No Horns
January 12, 2021 6:02 pm
On the Border of Lonely
December 16, 2020 6:58 pm Where I stand, the world is quiet. Wind whispers through the ocotillos and the mesquite trees, its song through the thorns cooing the memories of love that hurts to remember and hurts to forget. There’s a ghost beside me, the absence of a soul to share these sights with.
Leaves
October 23, 2020 9:02 pm We yearn to show our true colors, to display our brightest greens and most vivid yellows, to gracefully grow through the seasons of life for the audience we treasure. Perhaps even to see ourselves become what we are destined to be, to feel pride at who we are.
Smoke
September 18, 2020 9:24 pm And indeed, my flesh is increasingly made of the smoke that our society has created. It is not just routine incense of aspen and pine. It is acrid smoke, spreading across an entire continent, filled with bits of electrical wiring and industrial paint, finer and lighter than ever because the vegetation is so dry.
Depression Headache
August 31, 2020 4:18 am When I talk to friends, it is via a telephone screen, which physiologically contributes to headaches and psychologically contributes to isolation.
Leery of Contentment
August 12, 2020 11:17 pm The progress addict is leery of contentment, for it threatens the need to constantly be falling forwards.
You Won’t See Me
July 23, 2020 11:15 pm Being an expert in solitude has its costs. You play the long game, accustomed to the sense that there is nothing rushing you to act. And then a forceful suitor swoops in, a lease runs out, bills come up due. Day turns to night, and so it does until another year has passed. The world waits for no one.
Taller’n the Grass
May 12, 2020 5:22 pm Like the rootbound plant which withers when set free, we adapt to the particular habitat that sustains us.
Nostalgia
April 22, 2020 5:35 pm Nostalgia is the truest form of grief. It washes over us with deceptive warm waves of comfort and familiarity, reaching out with open arms to welcome us to the throes of something that never was.
Near Death Experience
March 9, 2020 6:15 pm The near death experience may be the moment before the fall is halted by the ground, it may be the first tumble when everything is pain and ringing noises and a flash of white light. Or it may be what happens months, or even years, later. It has nothing to do with injuries or lightning strikes or natural gas leaks. The more comfortable we get and the further from our dreams we stray, the nearer to death we truly become.
The Hope Myth
February 7, 2020 6:43 pm There is a pervasive myth in humanity that the best way to get through life is with hope of a better tomorrow.
No Depression
February 4, 2020 6:12 pm The word ‘depressed’ is ridiculously complicated. Not that any word in any language means just one thing, but few words mean more things than depression. Everything from measurable chemical imbalances to tropical storm systems to underperforming stock markets can lead to depression.
We Live in a Simulation
January 31, 2020 8:29 pm For all the advancements our society has made, the world still rewards those who can separate their conscience from their actions. Close the deal, shoot the wounded, put profit before people. There is not a visible cosmic arbiter of justice and this means only that one’s ingrained sense of right and wrong is a hindrance in the earthly realm.
Lost in Translation
January 27, 2020 7:39 pm Ultimately, we are confined to the languages we share with others. The spoken and written languages of the world. The things we trade in. The artistic media that leave everything open to interpretation yet create fleeting bits of solace and solidarity.
Measurements
January 6, 2020 9:05 pm Somewhere between January and December, between sunrise and sunset, life turns into a series of processes that can rob the days of their original potential. From the alarm clock to clocking in, the hours tick away marked by a ceaseless process that forces us into line.
A Dearth of Solitude
September 9, 2019 5:40 pm Without profound solitude, everything else feels frivolous at best. After a while, no distraction is as satisfying as not being distracted.
Shreddin’
April 29, 2019 2:00 am I often notice myself feeling leery of promise because it contains a tremendous amount of kinetic energy. It is why I like to be like a rolling stone, neither gathering moss nor bothered much by the rough and tumble of rolling downhill.
Beat
February 19, 2019 8:31 pm I was that blessed level of empty that only comes from efforts which push us to the brink.
Beneath the Stars
February 1, 2019 8:52 pm Everyone is so afraid of sharing a spork and sleeping on the ground that they forget to be afraid of what happens when they think themselves above such things.
Where the Brain Goes.
November 26, 2018 8:25 pm You should never admit these things, especially not in writing, because it is a weakness, a liability, a pox on... View Article
Seasons
November 15, 2018 6:41 pm Feeling the seasons change is surreal, because it always brings with it a rushing nostalgia and a helpless terror. The... View Article
Butterflies
October 24, 2018 7:32 pm My mind flashes back to that ride in the Ozarks, when fast-driving cars plowed through fluttering butterflies, when I stopped... View Article
Where It All Ends
September 26, 2018 3:23 pm It was hard to imagine two people trying very hard at anything after being paid that much to show up.
Roadkill.
June 4, 2018 12:59 pm It might change people if they would stare at roadkill instead of averting their eyes.
Injuring Eternity
May 23, 2018 4:53 pm I hate circling dates on the calendar, because it always creates a disproportionate sense of the value of a given day.
Watering the Plants
May 4, 2018 11:33 am Spending too much time thinking may have its downsides, but that is only if you subscribe to the notion that there is such thing as “spending too much time thinking.”
Hurry Up and Teach Me the Lesson
March 14, 2018 5:07 pm There is a yearning within all of us to find more joy in a simple evening stroll than in a new Porsche, but there is also a reluctance which holds us back. We can work hard and save our shekels and buy the one, but the other requires solemn introspection and much harder work, and nothing which can be bought with ink on a dotted line. And that is what writing and conversation and coffee and whiskey are all about; it is why we must make a thousand words out of the way the sunlight dances along the sidewalk during the evening dog walk
Bear Country
February 27, 2018 12:17 pm In a way, it is a refreshing feeling to be constantly aware of your surroundings, to know what it is you are most afraid of. To have a common fear with all fellow men, to have a lingua franca that everyone speaks about dangers and preparations and the haughty laughs we must have if we are to survive it at all. In the Yukon, everyone has a bear story or ten. In Alaska, people speak more in “how bad” bears are than whether there are bears at all.
The Year of the Dog: A Love Letter
January 15, 2018 1:54 pm We gradually fade from sharp-toothed puppy to hyperactive youngin’ to sleeping eighteen hours a day, and as is the nature of existing, we only really notice our most current state of being. A senior dog fades into the background and then occasionally surprises us with a half snarl or a flash of the spunk that used to wear us down through sheer quantity of energy. An old friend falls through the cracks as we see enough glimpses of them looking happy on the internet that we forget to check in and actually talk. The best moments of our life slowly fade into the shadows until we neither remember nor forget them; they are simply there until a tragedy brings them into high relief and we remember them wistfully.
In Lieu of the Cosmos
August 26, 2017 4:33 pm We pulled into the shallows, and the dizzying pace of the water just beyond the barrier island gave me something to focus on. “I think that big eclipse is starting right around now,” I offered. “What eclipse?” he asked me.
Lonely at the Top
July 15, 2017 2:36 pm She knew who I was because I had called in to secure a spot and presumably nobody else had done so that day. I was given the keys and a brief rundown of the area, Hank was given a few dog treats and knocked over a stand of s’mores skewers. It was all so matter of fact and immediate that Los Angeles felt even further than 846 miles away.
Survival Mechanisms
July 10, 2017 3:58 pm The noises emanating from the Land Cruiser’s transmission were grim. There was the uneasy whine of a transfer case that... View Article
The Middle of Nowhere
July 5, 2017 3:44 pm “The middle of nowhere” is a loaded idiom. It’s a vague-yet-precise phrase that invokes a certain situation or location, and which could be positive or negative depending on who says it. It offers up visions of amber waves and orange plateaus, of abandoned filling stations and faded glimpses of the past’s future. It is a place devoid of the decades of social construction required to populate a city with its traps and trappings.
The Stories We Long to Tell
February 9, 2017 10:06 am I don’t want to tell myself a story about the woods while sitting under fluorescent lights in a cubicle somewhere far away from them. We needn’t delude ourselves that our masterpieces are just a few months away, if only we keep biding time.
Town, Country, Action
November 6, 2015 3:57 pm There is so little practical difficulty in the day-to-day of most of us that we have to create solutions to nonexistent problems for our own entertainment, to provide that sense of accomplishment and satisfaction where none can be found... In comfort, so few demands are made of us that we can sit and pontificate until we unravel. I don’t have to wallow in sorrow and self-loathing to be at my artistic best—maybe I’d write a more poignant novel in the Modernist style if I allowed myself to keep feeling as I did two years ago—but I can be informed by that knowledge of high art as I create something filled with high hope.© JOHNTESI 2024 SITE BY ORCA