October 2, 2023 10:06 pmPublished by John Montesi
It is so hard to set oneself free from the comforts and fears we know. Maybe it is only when the body reaches terminal velocity that we realize a new haircut or a whole new life would’ve been a lot less scary than the elaborate confines of the mind.
September 15, 2022 7:23 pmPublished by John Montesi
Is the duty of the living to honor the dead, or is it our fate to build new life off the backs of the anonymous billions who have gone before us?
February 3, 2022 9:11 pmPublished by John Montesi
How many layers of a “picture perfect life” are our true selves buried beneath?
Perhaps the most pervasive question in my confusing life is which version of myself is the realest and where the edge between righteous discontent and selfish ingratitude really is.
September 6, 2021 10:02 pmPublished by John Montesi
Forty years ago, DDT was thinning bald eagle eggs to the point that a mama bird would crush her own brood while trying to incubate them. Finally, a few devout scientists proved this and changed the agricultural chemical industry for the marginally better. If only our mama birds recognized that the weight of their own skewed expectations were crushing us all to death.
April 4, 2021 10:09 pmPublished by John Montesi
We need physicality, need to feel some presence and ownership in the bodies we inhabit. Without it, the mind will run rampant, will run away with itself and constantly try to leave the flesh behind.
February 20, 2021 7:15 pmPublished by John Montesi
The most unnatural thing we can do is ignore the calling to draw near and reflect, to suppress the urge to go out and seek, to demand a sameness from our souls that robs them of the very quality which makes them soulful.
February 17, 2021 11:19 pmPublished by John Montesi
These times, the only place you have to go is within. The only people you can eavesdrop live within your own mind, and people will tell you that hearing voices makes you crazy.
October 23, 2020 9:02 pmPublished by John Montesi
We yearn to show our true colors, to display our brightest greens and most vivid yellows, to gracefully grow through the seasons of life for the audience we treasure. Perhaps even to see ourselves become what we are destined to be, to feel pride at who we are.
September 18, 2020 9:24 pmPublished by John Montesi
And indeed, my flesh is increasingly made of the smoke that our society has created. It is not just routine incense of aspen and pine. It is acrid smoke, spreading across an entire continent, filled with bits of electrical wiring and industrial paint, finer and lighter than ever because the vegetation is so dry.
August 31, 2020 4:18 amPublished by John Montesi
When I talk to friends, it is via a telephone screen, which physiologically contributes to headaches and psychologically contributes to isolation.
July 23, 2020 11:15 pmPublished by John Montesi
Being an expert in solitude has its costs. You play the long game, accustomed to the sense that there is nothing rushing you to act. And then a forceful suitor swoops in, a lease runs out, bills come up due. Day turns to night, and so it does until another year has passed. The world waits for no one.
March 9, 2020 6:15 pmPublished by John Montesi
The near death experience may be the moment before the fall is halted by the ground, it may be the first tumble when everything is pain and ringing noises and a flash of white light. Or it may be what happens months, or even years, later. It has nothing to do with injuries or lightning strikes or natural gas leaks. The more comfortable we get and the further from our dreams we stray, the nearer to death we truly become.
February 24, 2020 7:06 pmPublished by John Montesi
Oftentimes, the reality of life is difficult to believe. Not only is truth stranger than fiction, but there is a noteworthy disconnect between our expectations, our perceptions, and the unflinching march of time.
February 7, 2020 6:43 pmPublished by John Montesi
There is a pervasive myth in humanity that the best way to get through life is with hope of a better tomorrow.
February 4, 2020 6:12 pmPublished by John Montesi
The word ‘depressed’ is ridiculously complicated. Not that any word in any language means just one thing, but few words mean more things than depression. Everything from measurable chemical imbalances to tropical storm systems to underperforming stock markets can lead to depression.
January 27, 2020 7:39 pmPublished by John Montesi
Ultimately, we are confined to the languages we share with others. The spoken and written languages of the world. The things we trade in. The artistic media that leave everything open to interpretation yet create fleeting bits of solace and solidarity.
December 2, 2018 7:42 pmPublished by John Montesi
By the time we realize bumps could jolt us back awake after the smoothness becomes dangerously hypnotizing, it is too... View Article
November 26, 2018 8:25 pmPublished by John Montesi
You should never admit these things, especially not in writing, because it is a weakness, a liability, a pox on... View Article
November 15, 2018 6:41 pmPublished by John Montesi
Feeling the seasons change is surreal, because it always brings with it a rushing nostalgia and a helpless terror. The... View Article
November 2, 2018 5:34 pmPublished by John Montesi
Emptiness has a nearly universal negative connotation. It is forced to duke it out with its syntactical opposition ‘half full,’... View Article
February 20, 2018 12:59 pmPublished by admin
I am fascinated by our variable tolerances; when it comes to solitude, silence, loneliness, or discomfort, we react violently and... View Article
February 3, 2018 12:00 pmPublished by admin
Any time someone takes a real, human risk and shares real feelings, answers the question “How are you?” with something... View Article
January 4, 2018 12:43 pmPublished by admin
If there is one thing I have learned in more or less the last calendar year, it is that we are at our best when we can hold our own worst thoughts and fears in our hands at arm’s length and stare at them until they look less ugly and less daunting; less like shackles and more like spurs.
October 24, 2017 11:50 amPublished by John Montesi
If there is one quality that I’ve been told I possess which I’m finally starting to truly believe, it’s that I still get as excited as a child about lizards and automobiles and carnivorous plants and, as it turns out, muskoxen. I think this is my number one greatest survival skill, because it gives me the upper hand over any number of existential crises, chemical imbalances, and structural damages that may otherwise rob me of much desire to proceed.
June 1, 2017 5:55 pmPublished by John Montesi
A couple of weeks ago, I began to examine the oppressive idea that, “You can’t just do that.” Whatever that... View Article
April 18, 2017 1:56 pmPublished by John Montesi
I shirk at the word escapism, though my counselor has encouraged me increasingly not to attach pejorative connotations to things... View Article
April 12, 2017 12:35 amPublished by John Montesi
How would you like to feel 10% less like spontaneously weeping and 90% less passionate about everything from the sound of music to laughing at jokes to your dog’s wellbeing?
March 22, 2017 11:11 amPublished by John Montesi
Arriving in a new city by night is always a confusing experience, made all the more surreal by the biting cold and sound-deadening snow that blanketed the town on Saint Patrick’s Friday. Aside from brief breaks for fuel and key exchanges, I’d last stood on solid ground in Manhattan, which made this quietude a special blessing and also a shock to an addled system.
March 6, 2017 5:52 pmPublished by John Montesi
Nothing will snap me out of my hypnogogic trance faster than someone telling me that I have more interests or dreams than they do. I will fiercely accost a perfect stranger because I believe so firmly in the human imagination and the childlike whimsy that resides somewhere inside every one of us.
February 20, 2017 5:08 pmPublished by John Montesi
I pulled up to one of the only sections of river that wasn’t imminently raging from the evening’s water release... View Article
February 19, 2017 11:53 pmPublished by John Montesi
Three days ago I said I’d be right back with a few positive tales from the last week. I then... View Article
February 16, 2017 5:01 pmPublished by John Montesi
Some days my brain echoes with static and feels so stuffed with cotton balls that my favorite places feel grating... View Article
February 9, 2017 10:06 amPublished by John Montesi
I don’t want to tell myself a story about the woods while sitting under fluorescent lights in a cubicle somewhere far away from them. We needn’t delude ourselves that our masterpieces are just a few months away, if only we keep biding time.
February 6, 2017 1:25 pmPublished by John Montesi
I’ve got a long list of regrets and a longer list of plans, and neither of those lists will get any shorter until I start acting the same way I daydream when I’m having a good day.
January 24, 2017 5:29 pmPublished by John Montesi
Somewhere between the dutiful and the nihilistic is the sense that none of us make it out alive, but many of us are never even fully alive.
January 13, 2017 12:56 pmPublished by John Montesi
That is a myth that afflicts not just writers but all people: that our lives, because they are normal to us, are uninteresting and dull while the stories and images of others are enviable and epic in some unattainable way.
January 9, 2017 4:28 pmPublished by John Montesi
Even though I’ve made so many dramatic moves towards living out my dream, I still often doubt my own agency and potential for happiness.
January 8, 2017 1:58 pmPublished by John Montesi
From Raleigh, heading North made for quicker progress across state lines. I made plans to move beyond the comfortable confines... View Article
December 31, 2016 1:23 pmPublished by John Montesi
New Year’s Eve falls squarely under that old Socratic definition of insanity: repeating the same thing and expecting a different... View Article
December 20, 2016 11:43 amPublished by John Montesi
It appears that somehow my piece on Petrolicious is climbing its way back into the ranks of the ‘most popular’... View Article
December 9, 2016 1:23 pmPublished by John Montesi
People are fickle enough on a good day. Even at our best, there are plenty of small things that can... View Article
December 1, 2016 2:56 pmPublished by John Montesi
Something I find myself contemplating a lot lately is the slow and simple pursuit of joy across disciplines and slices... View Article